Marriage

I am still a "newlywed" and by all means I am no expert on marriage but I feel a need to talk about it today.

If I had to pick one word to describe what I have learned since being married it would be compromise. This is a fairly simple concept. You win some, you lose some basically. You give up a little to gain a little. I'm really lucky to have a husband who would rather "lose some" on his part so I can "gain some" on mine but having that knowledge also means not exploiting it.

If I had to give one word of advice to someone about marriage it would be friendship. In my limited experience, I believe being a friend first before getting involved romantically is key. When you become friends with someone, I think you accept them more as they are. You aren't looking to change them to be your friend. You like them for their personality more than their looks. I really don't know anyone who picks friends based on the way they look but I'm sure some are out there and that's probably why I'm not friends with them. Also, I think you tend to open up more to a friend that someone you are seeking consciously to be romantic with. When you're trying to be involved with someone romantically before just being friends with them, you try to show off or become a person that they would find attractive romantically. If you're just friends, you are more likely just being you.

If I had to pick one word to describe how to date I would say future. Every person that you date should be and is a potential candidate for marriage. If you're dating just for the sake of dating and not respecting the other person enough to consider them a soul mate then you are dating for the wrong reasons and it's not fair for the other person involved. I know this is a contradictory view of dating in this day and age but it is how I feel. If you honestly don't see yourself having a future with the person you are dating, it is not fair to lead them on. Chances are they are also looking for a "soul mate" and if you are selfishly holding onto them with no future, it's not fair.

Married and Proud,
Larisa