Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I must have been really good this year! I was so completely overwhelmed with love and gifts. I know I wasn't really that good.

We had Christmas morning at our house with our family. It was a great time of fellowship and FOOD! I love hostessing parties for our family and making my home welcome to them.

There's only one downfall to Christmas. Two actually. The first is it goes by too quick. The second and the one I really want to talk about is I'm always anxious at Christmas. I remember last Christmas was so hard for me before I knew about my panic disorder. One side of me wanted to have all the fun that I always want to have and the other half didn't want to be around anyone. Like I said, I didn't know at the time that what was causing this was my anxiety but I knew something was wrong. It wasn't like me to want to feel completely secluded from everyone I love. That is not me. I always want to spend time with my family. I very rarely want to be completely alone.

I guess I should probably also take this time to kind of "lightly" describe what happens to me during my panic attacks. I don't know how much my readers are aware of that goes on but it is different for everyone in regards to how the anxiety attacks are triggered and how they "play" out.

Here is a run down of what happens to me.

1. I start to feel hot and I fidget. I will play with my hands or bite the inside of my lip and look around nervously.
   
2. I will feel very nauseated. Sometimes, when it is very bad I will feel like I am going to pass out and I continue to fidget.
3. At this point I should take medication but I never want to. I always think I can control it. This is part of my problem because then I will get so sick and nervous I will have to leave wherever I am.

I feel good though that this Christmas was much easier for me. I really had a great time. I was so glad I could stay at all my Christmas parties I had to go to. I felt so proud. I know that I am more able to handle my anxiety. I feel more confident. I think that was one of the greatest Christmas gifts: to be able to enjoy Christmas fully. I can look forward to next year's Christmas because I know I will only get better in time.

Merry Christmas,
Larisa

Christmas Eve

This is my 2nd Christmas being married and having our own house. Our house is filled with chihuahuas, food, and family (specifically my sis in law Breezy who is spending the night).

I know I have said this to my mom but it only becomes more true as time goes by being an "adult". When I lived with my parents, Christmas was so special. Waking up early in the morning, staying in our pajamas while mom cooked an AWESOME breakfast, and we would open our gifts all together. Now, it's different. We (Josh & I) wake up alone to a house filled with puppies but no other people (except this year). We will get our house ready for our families to come and see us but it isn't really the same. Not to say that I don't absolutely LOVE Christmas but it's just different now that we are on our own.

I realize that this is sounding sad because Breezy is reading this and said so. Ummmm...happy thoughts for Christmas. I remember the year "Santa" left footprints in our house from the snow. That was amazing! I remember the many Christmas Dad made it home just in time and how happy I was that he was back home, safe and sound. I remember mom always buying me Christmas pajamas and we would spend a day baking cookies in our pajamas. I remember always buying a special ornament for each year from Hallmark or Carlton Cards and how hard it was to just pick one.

I now realize how much my parents loved me to make sure that every Christmas I got great gifts. I never took into consideration that they already spent all year buying "presents" for me. Maybe not in the form of gift wrapped boxes but they paid for my tuition to a private school to better my education. They took me EVERYWHERE before I had a license. They let me try soccerr, piano lessons, voice lessons, girl scouts, choir, praise band, and dancing. They feed me and my friends EVERYDAY (this alone had to be like several thousands of dollars. We like to eat. :))

My parents were the reason for Christmas magic for me. I hope, one day, I will be able to pass along that same magic to my children. But for now, I will remember all the many, many, many things I am thankful for and remember all the magic in a new way, by giving.

Have a magical Christmas,
Larisa

The Night Before The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through the house
All the chihuahuas were stirring
Playing with my new blouse
The presents were stacked by the tree with care
In hopes that dogs, opening they would not dare
Soon all the hua's would be snug in their beds
While visions of bones and toys danced in their heads
And Josh playing WoW and I with my laptop
Had just settled down from having to last minute shop
When out on the porch there rose such a clatter
I yelled out to Josh to go see what was the matter
Away through the house he ran like the flash
Pushing through the back door and taking out the trash
He stepped in some dog presents and slid into the snow
Cursing, Bruising, and Grumbling as he fell below
I finally rose from bed from all the noise I did hear
When I saw the sled and I saw the reindeer
I couldn't believe my eyes I rubbed them quick
When who should I see in our yard but St. Nick!
He said he heard we had the cutest huas to claim
He just wanted to see them and so did the reindeers by name
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away, dash away dash away all!"



Merry Christmas,
Larisa

My Annual Christmas Party

Success!

I love Christmas. It is my favorite time of year. The songs, the lights, the snow, the magic. But my most favorite thing is my annual Christmas party with my girls from High School, Megan, Nicole, Brittany, and Jill. This year's party was no exception. It was fabulous. The food is great. The presents were fun! The best part is always just being able to catch up with everyone.

It is rarer and rarer now to be able to catch up with everyone at once. Everyone has their own lives going on and their own responsibilities. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday when we were all in class together, laughing and cutting up, and other times it feels like it has been forever. When everyone is together though, all barriers are down and everyone can't get enough of the time we have together.

To all my girls, thanks for making this year another success. You all are dear to me and I am so glad we always make time at Christmas to spend time together. I want all of you to know I pray for all of you and want the absolute best for you always.

Reminiscing,
Larisa